Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Story of a Political Tower? Come On.

Once upon a time Barret Obama and Cloud Strife were on a train on the way to the Mako reactor where they would surely fight for the rights of the poor or some Robin Hood bullshit, I haven't played Final Fantasy 7 in years. Any way, they came to the stop and fought a Russian hatted man and Obama used the limit break, HOPEFUL DIPLOMACY and the game got really boring after the first disk so I shut it off and then preteneded to know what the hell Advent Children was about.

Anyway, we used to make jokes about how we could leave the room and eat dinner while the Knights of the Round summon animation was playing so that's what this tower is about I think.

Hey I'm pretty sure this is as obvious to me as anyone but do you see the corollary of Barret and Team Avalanche to Mr. T and the A-Team? Just... just throwing that out there.

Monday, April 14, 2008

The Woeful Tale of The Tower of How Time Flies

Once upon time there was a plant...

Once upon a time there were three friends who thought they could change the world but instead a year later one of them is dead, the other turned to drugs, and the third is also dead. Way to fucking go, joes.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Desperate for ideas.

(click picture)

Anyone up for making the amazing 2-D golfcourse?

Thursday, April 26, 2007


If we don't want the Tower to fade out into nothing, we have to start setting attainable goals. Getting to the moon is a daunting task, but if we break it off into edible chunks, like snickers bars, that we can eat it. Imagine a girl who had the goal of becoming fat. She would get discouraged if she had to eat an entire 100 foot chocolate Jesus; if you break the Jesus down into bite sized chunks, she would be fat in fucking no time. That girl would be so fat. And our tower will reach the moon. I'm sorry for comparing our tower to a fat girl. It means so much more than that to me. Actually, it isn't even right comparing them on the same scale. I hate fat girls. I love the tower. Fat girls have nothing to do with the tower and never will. There are two scales, one scale for hate, and one scale for love. The love scale is full of the tower, while the hate scale is being broken by the fat girl.
Our first goal shall be the height of three Christopher Walken's. Google it, bitches.

The Story of the Tower of the Zombie Part One

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Story of the Tower of the Way Cool New Kid

He came sauntering up the hill from his parked Kawasaki Zeroninja 1080z, moving across the recently mown grass like a fish through mother fucking water. Everyone held their breath as the full weight of his manly coolness hit them. The new kid stopped, looked around, pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his studded leather jacket, lit one with his zippo, and inhaled like it was the best damn thing anyone could suck on. Amanda, the head cheerleader, timidly approached, "Hey, uh, cigarettes, are like, not prohibited on school grounds, so you've like, gotta put it..." The new kid cut her off with a puff of smoke in the face. No words, just cool. He kept walking toward the school doors, so cool he didn't even notice the stares of the onlookers. Without even looking back, he disappeared behind the thick school doors, still sucking on his cancer stick.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Sunday, April 1, 2007

Saturday, March 31, 2007


Please say the tower isn't dead. It has many years left of adventure. O Angel of Hope, don't let me down!

Thursday, March 22, 2007

150 inches already?

That is really tall. Like twice the size of a human being. Moon here we come!

Story of the Tower of the Dead Goddess

The First Act
"Beautiful," he remembered, "absolutely, eternally, intangibly beautiful." His thoughts evaporated as she emerged from the radiance of the sun, haloed and holy. Her bare feet trod upon the naked earth, leaving lillies and daffodils in their wake. A light dress embraced her body, capturing the wind in its folds and emphasizing the angelic curves of her mortality. The golden ratio and fibonacci sequence could not compare to the geometric exactitudes of her perfect form. His memory flickered as she was transformed into an ideal from a lowly creature of the earth. Her skin began crawling with serpentine heiroglyphs that referenced no language, but existence itself. As her lithe body flowed down the hill like a hallowed stream, the air distorted around her, as nature bowed before her epitome.
And after the sanctifying words and joyous celebration, he took her to a quiet place. Alone, with no respect to the holiness of the union of souls, he laid her down and destroyed her. With the ultimate weapon of evolution, of insignificance, he thrust into her all the sadness, pain, weariness, imperfection, ugliness, and hate of the world. The sin of procreation osmosed into her divinity and tore from it everything. His opportunity to see the face of God evaporated with the morning light, never again to illuminate the form of a goddess. The sun burned hot and scorched the earth.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The giggles.

That under construction sign just brightens my day every time!

The Interdimensional Blunder tale has been updated.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007


A quick piece I made that was inspired by Matt's Tower of the Dark God's Sacrifice. Think of it as an extra treat to the two (lame) towers tonight.

And of course, jpeg compression fucks that shit up.

The Story of the Tower of Interdimensional Blunder

Part 1

The people of Saffron Valley were quite sure that this was another case of Hill Giant trickery. A flash of light in the sky had turned all of the rain clouds the color of blood. The simple folk of the village had seen this as an omen from the old book but the elders and scholars remained skeptical.
Ranchers from the outskirts were sent to investigate the phenomenon and find out if the Hill Giants really were just trying to make fools out of the peaceful Saffronians once again. As they climbed the green peaks, they discovered the clouds stretched far past the horizon, even over giant country.
If this was a joke of the Hill Giants, they were playing it on themselves as well.
A cyclone formed and twisted miles above the highest point of the Mortal Peaks. Its devilish tail cracked like a whip and focused an orb of light at its tip.
Then it was over.
The clouds turned gray again and poured a somber spring shower over the land. In the distance, a pillar of black smoke billowed from beneath the trees.

Part 2

Interdimensional Pirates?
Who the hell has ever heard of interdimensional pirates?

"Flux in t-minus ten seconds." Samson the pig said to his captain.

Geoffrey’s inner-ponderings were somewhat ironic as his practices weren't exactly legal either. The life of a time-space curator was filled with peril and profit, and when the job seemed lacking in profit, it undoubtedly made up for it in peril. Geoffrey had traveled to the dimension of a blasphemous god in search of an elixir that could supposedly cure cannibalism. After tangling with the troublesome deity with nothing more than a rusty shield and a rather legendary sword, Geoff emerged victorious. Vial in hand, he returned to his shambled ship, the Integrity. After cutting the frail fabric of the particular reality, he entered the dimensional mainstream and prepared for a safe trip back home.

The crew of a much larger vessel, one that somewhat resembled a Victorian battleship, had different plans for the rogue explorer as they had caught his signal before he entered the chaos-god's realm. When Geoffrey and his pig, Samson, tore back into the dimensional mainstream, the malevolent heap began hurling crude but vorpal ballistics at the Integrity's hull.

Various curse words traveled from one side of Geoffrey’s brain to the other like a scrolling marquee. This had been the first time he was actually attacked in the dimensional mainstream and, although he had faced much more threatening adversaries, he'd never done so in such a fragile area. The Integrity, as well as any other multiversal travel object, had to travel, at the slowest, 10^201 times the speed of light to achieve interdimensional success. If the Integrity were to be pushed into even the smallest particle of dust traveling the opposite direction, it would shatter the craft into billions of microsplinters.

Geoffrey’s ship was much smaller than its pursuer, but it seemed it wasn't faster. Despite their best efforts, Geoffrey and Samson the pig couldn't shake the pirates' advancements. There was only one other option.

"Five seconds to flux." Samson called to his captain.

Five seconds and emergency procedures would send the good ship Integrity into the first random dimension it hit. Geoffrey, knowing his luck, hoped he wouldn't land in the dimension of the vampires, and if he did, he at least hoped it would be the dimension of the sexy vampires.


All went silent as the dimensional mainstream faded into a vortex of psychedelic colors. A violent red light filled in through the windows of the Integrity and blinded its two inhabitants. Suddenly it was over and Geoffrey was flying in stable airspace.

Samson looked out the window and noticed that the landscape was not unlike that of the many Earth dimensions. The sky was blue too.

A stereotypical female voice, the onboard voice of the Integrity, boomed on the overhead speaker.

"Prepare for crash landing, interdimensional instability has resulted in temporary loss of control."


I have some upsetting news; I am going to have to buy a Playstation 3 at some point.

Here's why.

Limitless creative potential based on loose boundaries? The thesis of this game is almost identical to the tower's purpose.
Perhaps we can make an online level in which we stack blocks atop one another and put stickers of each tower on the respective blocks. Expand the concept across medias.

Any way, keep the momentum up and happy hunting, deer lovers.

Tuesday, March 6, 2007

The Story of The Tower of Ganderlust

A plea for the truth

My original post of the fire eagle tower had the top of the fire eagle's head and wings cut off so that the next tower builder would have something to build off of. I found that i cared too much about the fire eagle's pointed wing to just lop it off, but if you need something more to work off of than white, i'll gladly put the other version back up.

Grabbed by the Ghoulies

If The World's Tallest Blog was an Xbox 360 game, we would most certainly have completed the "Reach Ten Feet" achievement.

Hiatusaur: Tyrant Lizard of Loathing

My computer ceases function for just two days and I come back and suddenly there are two beautiful towers waiting like packages from Santa on Christmas morning.
All I can think to myself is, "This tower will be grand gentlemen. This tower will be grand."

For the sake of actual updating, I'm buying a fourteen dollar stand microphone and it better be grand too otherwise I just might have to commit podcast suicide.

New tower tonight, I promise. ;);((;);:=

And perhaps another new tower tonight. ;)(;<(*_*)>

Setting sail

Goodnight, Gentlemen, and thank you for our mighty tower. I'm glad to be here.

The story of why The Tower of the Fire Eagle is in Danger of Fading Away and how Ninja² plans on helping.

Ninja² always admired and appreciated the Fire Eagle from his lonely forest cabin in the mountain. He had sworn himself to solitude for the next ten years to learn and practice the art of living off of nature.

Every morning he would awaken to hear the magnificent call of the Fire Eagle, accompanied by the warmth radiating from its glowing figure. The Fire Eagle lived high above Ninja² on the tallest peak. How it sustained itself was not known or questioned, and it was hoped by all that it would continue doing whatever it did to stay so brilliant.

For the past couple months, however, its song had not welcomed Ninja² each day, and the Fire Eagle could not be seen. Its call was sporadic when it could be heard, sounding dry and weak. As the sun was setting one evening, the Ninja caught glimpse of a cloud far beyond the peak that was glowing a faint peachy orange. The eagle must've been sick and Ninja² had to do something.

Ninja² thought about what could possibly make a Fire Eagle sick and what could possibly help. It had been raining an unusually high amount lately. Surely something as wonderful as the Fire Eagle couldn't be downed by water, could it? No, but perhaps clean flames would nudge it on its way to recovery. Ordinary flames didn't seem like they would do the trick. While Ninja² would have to leave his mountain post to get something to burn, the Fire Eagle was far more important than his spirit quest.

The humble ninja wandered into town and explained his situation to the local metalsmith, who provided him with magnesium shavings. The metalsmith, Nemuth Bismark, explained that magnesium burns at over 5,000 degrees Fahrenheit. Ninja² hoped this would be hot enough as he trudged back up towards his cabin.

His mind wandered constantly to images of a sick and coughing Fire Eagle taking its last breath before he got there and it was with much persistence that the ninja finally fashioned a jetpack out of his hand-made canoe. Stuffing the magnesium into the pack, Ninja² took a deep breath and looked around the peaceful forest. Surely his plan would work. It had to. He took off.

another new way to do a thing

If i was an assassin, i'd hide behind the person until they sneezed, say 'god bless you' in a gristly voice, and then break their neck.

Monday, March 5, 2007

A new way to do things, but not a replacement

Ahoy! I feel really comfortable using the word 'ahoy'. I feel it in my character. I feel the ability to say it right now. It felt incredibly natural typing it out right there. I hope it came across that way. There was absolutely no other way I could have started this. I know that now after having done it. Nothing would have worked the same way. I might not feel natural saying it later, but right there it really worked for me and helped me feel alive. I appreciate that.

The point of this post is to let all architects not in possession of the program '' a link to go get the program. It was used in the latest tower, Tower of the Dark God's Sacrifice, to blur the picture into the realms of history. Hopefully, much like flash did , this feature or some other filter will allow me to make better things than I am actually able to do.

Yo Ho Ho

The Story of the Tower of the Dark God's Sacrifice

Thursday, March 1, 2007

The Truth Behind the Celestial Engineers

The World's Tallest Blog is constructed and maintained by Matthew Castille, Andrew Kelevi, and Mark Sallinas. They traverse the cosmos on their solar powered dirigible, The USS Good Hope. Every day they add to their lunar-bound tower; it continues to get taller and more majestic with every piece. The three are considered philanthropists as they offer their tower as refuge to beings both earthly and interdimensional. One day the world will find shade in the construct's omnipresence.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Story of the Tower of the Cosmic Feast

Even the gods who take the fabric of the universe in their mighty hands are cowed beneath the awesome scent of a feast.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Story of the Godly Kabob Tower

The Kaboblians are a fascinating race of people from the jungles of space. They are blessed with an inate gift of growing oversized fruit and breeding gigantic cattle. Whether it be the fertile meteor soil or the supernutrients the Kaboblians infuse into the seed and feed, the fruit and meat surpass any size record on Earth. After their produce is ripe, they find or fashion a large wooden spike and impale the steak and fruit upon it. For weeks they feast and worship the enormous kabob.

While an optimistic person may find a potential solution to world hunger from his interstellar neighbors, he may soon find that the Koboblians are a fierce, selfish species. They horde their crop without sharing and often discard food they don't eat.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

100 Inches of Respect and Glory

It comes with much honor and admiration that I have the privilege of announcing that we have reached and broken the 100 inch point.This means that we are finally longer and taller than a velociraptor and could easily push one into submission.

Story of the Tower of the Swaying Valiant Green


WE HAVE A LOGO? WE HAVE A LOGO! 99 inches? 99 inches! Now i need to make that next tower! We are so close to the important milestone .The 100 inchstone. I am so tired right now. I cannot make the tower right now, but i will. We need to celebrate with some sparkling apple cider or a trip to bremuda. That's a nice logo.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Reaching 100 inches, a horrible precursor, and a podcast.

Hey dogs, good news. We're approaching another height achievement (granted, I can make up any height achievement I please and celebrate it) and we're reaching a height of 100 inches. If I may, I will allude to any and all double entendres featuring 100 inches and my anatomy.

Secondly, I'd like to promote the fact that searching "The World's Tallest Blog" on will result in being the second available site on the list. This should help with spreading the word. However, further investigation of the search has lead me to this. Someone has had this idea before us but they've taken it in a completely different train of thought. It's apparently just some coding project and was made in probably one sitting. The website does not show the kind of dedication we're planning to show. This only offends me because I originally wanted to title this whole project the world's tallest website and couldn't because some coder beat me the hell to it (coincidentally, the title of World's Tallest Blog was taken as well but it seems the author has no plans to make an exceptionally tall blog and his choice of title was probably just random.)

Finally, if you look slightly to the right, we have a podcast. Expect better quality in the future.

Happy climbing!

Legend of the Tower of the False Sun

Gabriel poised himself on the tip of the crystalline construct, spreading his toes to achieve greater balance. The globe he coveted glowed as it lay wrapped in his leather trench coat. A mischievous smile curled across his face; the gods would not be happy with him. A moment of regret arouse and quickly passed as he unfolded the faded, worn jacket. He held the orb with both hands and outstretched his arms. The ball swirled on his palms and exploded into a force that illuminated the night sky.

No, the gods would not be very happy with him at all.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

The World's Tallest Blog on the Wii

The resolution is decent.

Momentor, Hero of Valor

Good news gents and fan(s), we've reached our first height achievement and the tower exceeds the height of an average human being. Let's break out the bubbly and tell campfire stories around the stove. I've been trying to strategize how to make the project more public, and I must admit the tower is hard to categorize as far as a fan base goes. I've been signing up for digital art forums and am trying to think of a way to advertise without giving the impression that I just joined to spam them. The podcast is also created and the only topic I can think to talk about is the GBA sequel to Earthbound that will not be coming to America despite the fact you play as a cowboy who befriends dinosaurs. The paypal is steps away from being functional, I'm just afraid of activating it in case e-pirates pilfer all of my funds. Maybe we can make some sympathy money off of this bitch. Any way, congradulations for being taller than most humans. Good day.

Story of the Tower of the Perfect Honeymoon

Mr. Berenstain met Petey Pirfreakazoidahna at George's Pub and Grill after a nasty fight with Mrs. Berenstain. Mr. Berenstain, with all due cause, told her that unless they hit their kids more, they would grow up to be burdens on society. She disagreed while hitting him, and he noted the irony then hit her back. Twenty minutes later, she was dead. He planted a bottle of sleeping pills in her hand and heaved her into their bed. The kids were asleep and hadn't heard any of it, so he thought it would be best if he constructed himself an alibi.

Mr. Berenstain always found that violence brought out primal hunger, so he headed to one of his favorite establishments, making sure the neighbors didn't see him leaving. He ordered a medium-rare flank and sat absorbing the lounge atmosphere. If it hadn't been for a mix-up in the kitchen, he would have never met his new lover. The waiter brought Petey Pirfreakazoidahna Mr. Berenstain's flank, and Mr. Berenstain Petey Pirfreakazoidahna's Roast Beef Dip.

The waiter quickly walked over to Petey Pirfreakazoidahna and made the swap, but it was ten minutes before Mr. Berenstain stopped staring at the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. White spots speckled a handsome tomato-red head sitting gracefully atop a green vine, sprouts of raven-black hair jutting from the top.

Petey turned and immediately made eye contact with the bear, lost in his warm dark eyes. No words had to be said; Petey walked over and sat down. Over the next 4 hours, Mr. Berenstain and Petey Pirfreakazoidahna discussed absolutely everything and it was no hard decision to be with each other forever.

Mr. Berenstain put the kids up for adoption the very next day, telling the police he was in too much grief to raise them properly. That weekend, Mr. Berenstain and Petey packed lightly and flew off to Greece to start a new life.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Story of the Tower of the Forever Bridge

Forever the bridge unravel
Forever the weary travel
Forever the heroes battle

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Story of the Tower of the Citric Puppet

Fredrick and Cedric Mononov, twin immigrant brothers from Chech Slovakia, arrived on American shores with a dual case of amnesia and an enormous marrionette. Seemingly lacking any schooling or experience skills, the brothers Mononov lived the American dream the only way they knew how. In 1902, the Mononov Theatre debuted the Citrus Puppet Comedy Hour.
The Comedy Hour, in actuality only twenty three minutes in length, was a resounding success, hosting a sold out show every night, inspiring three film versions through the years, and spawning a mega-popular clothing line. In 2003, the Mononov Theatre burned to the ground in a city-wide fire. The Brothers Mononov have since moved their live show to the World's largest blog and donate their earnings to a "Victims of the great city fire of 2003" charity.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

The Legend of the Tower of the Ancient Gift

"Long ago, after the making the world, when the ancient trees of the forest had not yet taken root, the gods placed within this land the secret to all creation. It is said that any mortal who chanced upon this hallowed treasure would be able to reshape all creation. Fearing the will of men, the gods enslaved the soul of stone to forever guard against intruders. All who have entered the forest in search of the ancient gift have never returned. So, again I tell you young man, abandon your quest. The god's secret is not worth your life."

"Had I other options, old man, I would surely forsake this dark wood. But you see, I have no choice."

Friday, February 9, 2007

The Fable of the Tower of Serenity

Betwixt the dying branches of the twilight tree,
Cricket swoons,
the spirits eb and swirl,
forever he sings,
Ms. Buttefly soars,
and forever ignores.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Space for rent

I wish to post next section, only because i tried awful hard to come up with a continuation and it finally came to me.

The Story of the Tower of the Sun Bandits

Captain Fizbroth and First Mate Hoofler tredged through the hot sand. The last five continents did not help them in any way other than giving them much needed sailing experience.

First Mate Hoofler had spent years in the Atlantic learning how to dive for oysters before meeting Fizbroth by chance during once such trip. Fizbroth was clinging to a blackened piece of wood, floating helplessly hundreds of miles from the mainland. Imagine the good Captain's surprise when, from below, the camel lifted him from the cold ocean into the colder night breeze.

They got to chatting, and upon asking Hoofler how the devil he could make it so far from the coast, it was revealed that instead of collecting fat in his hump, he could collect air. Though this limited the distance he could travel, having to stop every now and again for a bite to eat, he was no disappointment. In fact, on their first journey Fizbroth noted that Hoofler could go farther than any other camel he had known. What was the difference? Determination or pure willpower?

That wasn't important. What was important was getting back at the sun. Captain Fizbroth and his crew of forty men had been sailing under the Island of Giant Glass Lenses during a cloudless summer afternoon when a passing sunray angled just perfectly through one of the giant glass monoliths. The boat was blazing at every bend except what was submerged beneath the waves, but the structure became too weak and, panel by panel, the ship Fizbroth and his men had built, Professor Journyman, dissolved into the ruthless sea. The men who were caught directly in the sunbeam were killed instantly. Many more were lucky enough to grab hold of a floating plank, and many more still were too sick to fend through the currents.

Fizbroth stayed afloat with near a dozen of his men for two weeks and when all seemed hopeful, a typhoon swept them all up and spat them out in different corners of the ocean. Fizbroth awoke to find himself clutching onto the plank, but with no fellow floaters anywhere on the horizon. It could have been a week or a month when Hoofler saved him, but Fizbroth knew one thing for certain: he had to teach the sun a lesson.

Hoofler brought Fizbroth to shore, and they wandered into the nearest town with supplies. With Hoofler's permission and patience, Fizbroth devised a contraption that would help them immensely. It was a simple tube with many syringe-like needles at the bottom that dug through Hoofler's hump, secured by suction. Fizbroth built a modestly sized ship of sorts on the top of the pole and ran the pipe through it.

With a large enough feast before departure, Fizbroth and Hoofler could transverse entire seas without the noble camel having to come up for air. Whenever Fizbroth would spot distant land, he would shout down the tube and Hoofler would rise, turning the boat into a crow's nest, giving the captain a better view of the dangers ahead.


Captain Fizbroth and First Mate Hoofler had been to five continents, looking for any surviving crew from Professor Journyman who had floated ashore, and some clue as to how they could tame the sun, or at least communicate with it. Fizbroth was not a violent man, he simply wanted answers. So far, they had been completely unsuccessful in both endeavours. Neither of the two gave up easily, though, and that made every day a zesty one.

The Story of the Tower of the Battle for the Underwater City

If no one is currently working on the next tower, I would like to do it. The next one being after the Tower of Ecology. It should be erected by about 7 tonight.

Oh and how did you get such nice gradation on the sky, there?

Just in case you were wondering...

The World's Tallest Blog is an ambitious art project directed and created by a couple of limey blokes from the American colonies. They are not art or math students, nor are they getting any kind of money for this idea (though if there's enough momentum, the web masters may start advertising.) No, they're just a couple of kids from the suburbs with MS Paint and a dream.

The concept is simple: Draw a tower in a blank 122 pixel by 402 pixel space. The tower may be bizarre, absurd, and unsound, but it must be creative. Next, post the tower on the blog and it will add to the height of the current tower.

The first section was built on February 6, 2007 on a green, albeit scribbly, mound of earth. Since then it has gotten taller
and taller.

The goal of the tower is to one day exit Earth's atmosphere and reach the moon. Each section of tower is approximately 5 inches tall. The estimated distance from the Earth to the moon is 15 billion inches. The project may outlive its contributers, if not the other way around.

The inclusion of extra blog text (comments, notes, miscellanea) in the World's Tallest Blog proved to upset the balance of the tower, almost even compromising and toppling the structure over. Thus, all text was removed from the blog (with the exception of the side bar information.) In response, this companion has been created to contain all text information related to the World's Tallest Blog. Included here will be announcements, notes from the tower-builders, a comment option for users to comment on the blog, and much more.